Goal Accomplished: Number One: Get a Tattoo

Meet Felix, my newest art addition. Number one on my bucket list (which was in no particular order) was to get a new tattoo. This wasn't exactly what I had planned but I trusted the tattoo artist and am so so pleased with results. The four birds are symbolic of my little birdy family and I love it more than any other part of this tattoo. Now on to the next things on my list!!

Labor Day...

I did say I was going to try to update more and here we go :)

Tonight I went with a friend to see the move "Labor Day" based on the book I read a few weeks ago by Joyce Maynard. This post won't spoil the movie or the books, no worries there. The book was excellent however I'd say the movie was infinitely better than the book actually, mostly because of the way the book was written, it left things open to interpretation for a screen writer and it worked well.

So in the story, the main character has been experiencing multiple miscarriages; the first time it happened she said she awoke to cramps and as "I sat there, I felt something tiny slip away and all I could think was, 'if only, if only I could have held on just a little tighter' and the times it happened after that, I woke to the feeling of betrayal by my own body"

AND that, my friends, is when I turned in to a sobbing mess.

I have had more than one miscarriage and, of course, Gabriel was born with a disability and I've always felt...something. A type of grief I couldn't put in to words; a betrayal by my own body, something that no one could have prepared me for. I literally had no words for the way I have felt for the last 12 years until now.

I sat in the dark theater crying silently, trying to catch my breath and not let on to anyone near me that my heart was literally breaking and healing at the same time. I sort of tuned out the movie for a moment and became aware that there were other women in the same space as me crying for the same reasons...and suddenly it didn't feel like such a damn burden to be carrying anymore.

Why are we not talking to each other about these things? Why are women not telling each other these things after we lose pregnancies and have complications with pregnancies and give birth to children whom we love with all of our hearts but came with challenges that we definitely not prepared to deal with? Why do bear this sort of grief by ourselves? Why do we feel like we HAVE to bear this quietly and go about our days damaged? Why can't we speak freely about the pain these things cause?

Why? Because we are told that it happens "commonly" that "lots of women have it happen". We are told "it's 'god's' will" and that it wasn't "really a child so why are you upset?"  We are made to feel that we are  not allowed to feel this grief, this pain, this BETRAYAL by our VERY OWN BODIES because it happens all the time...but that doesn't make it any less real. That doesn't make it any less painful, and that doesn't make anyone feel any better about it.

So this is what I am saying to you tonight, if your heart is heavy because of pregnancy loss or a child with a disability and you need someone who knows what it feels like to listen, I am here. I will listen and I will not tell you "it's meant to be" or "it's 'god's' will" I will listen to you...and listen some more. I will tell you that you are not alone, I will tell you that it doesn't matter if it was a month ago, a year ago, or twenty years ago. Grief is grief, no matter how fresh that wound is. No one should go through this sort of thing alone.

Goal 11: Autism Walk Chicago

Number 11 on my list was "Participate in the Autism Walk" I registered tonight and now it's time for you to start making donations (ha ha, you knew that was coming right?) My personal goal is $150 and Geo and the kids will also have the same goal-I asked them to join me and they said yes.
Here's my link and I'll keep you posted :)
Chrissi's Donation Link

Goal 13: Learn a New Dish Each Month

This is my sticky post for my new dish to learn how to cook each month.


For January I made this:
Roasted Broccoli with garlic parm. butter
I also sliced up red potatoes and carrots and it was DELICIOUS!!
Will definitely be adding it to my regular menu items, both kids asked for seconds...and neither of them likes broccoli. One change I made though, was that I used five cloves of garlic instead of two, but we like things very garlicky in our house :)

35 by 35: Pounds Lost

This entry, much like the previous one, is a "sticky post" for tracking my progress toward goal three which is lose 35 pounds. I am at my starting weight as of today and will be working my way down til September 30 :)

Today's weight: hahahaha did you really think I'd share that? We'll just do the last two numbers, ok?

January 19, 2014 X75
January 26, 2014 X72.8
February 2, 2014 X69.8
February 9, 2014 X68.4

A side note, I reupped my gym membership this past week and I'm feeling pretty motivated, let's see if I can keep it up, shall we?
I'll check in next week!

35 by 35: Reading List

This is going to be a "sticky post" as they are called sometimes for goal number 12 which is  read one book a week. I'll update this post once a week with an Amazon link to the book I read/am reading in case you are interested. Please note: I am not gaining anything by posting an Amazon link, there aren't any strings attached, just a quick reference in case you'd like to check it out :)

For the week of  01-12-14 I read Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner
For the week of 01-19-14 I am reading Labor Day by Joyce Maynard
For the week of 01-26-14 I read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
For the week of 01-26-14 I also read The Ice Queen by Alice Hoffman
(I must say, I read an awful lot, so this bucket list item is going to be easy to fulfill!)
For the week of 02-02-14 I am reading The Zoo Keepers Wife: A War Story by Diane Ackerman
For the week of 02-02-14 I am also reading Burning Bright by Tracy Chevalier 
For the weeks of 02-09-14 thru 02-23-14 I read the The Divergent Trilogy by Veronica Roth
For the week of 03-02-14 I am rereading an old favorite A Painted House by John Grisham

Closet Hipster No More

It has recently come to my attention that I am a closet hipster; I was slightly miffed at first by the accusation because I do not have a handlebar mustache, a manual type writer, and do not have an affinity for triangles AND most importantly, I don't have a fixed gear bicycle...but I wish I did. Oops.

Actually, I wish I had a manual type writer too. When I was a teenager my grandmother gave me one and nothing brought me greater joy than typing things on it. Sure the inked ribbon was a pain in the ass and the keys got stuck more often than not, but oh the soothing click-clacking of the keys...so worth all the trouble they gave me.

Lately I've found that my musical tastes are a bit more eclectic than usual. Now don't get me wrong, I still adore Sarah McLachlan, but there's something to be said for the sweet soothing voice of Dan Smith from Bastille, the drumbeats of Imagine Dragons, and the sheer joy I get from listening to Fitz and the Tantrums singing about breaking down walls.

And...the scarves. My goodness, how did I just discover how fantastic scarves are? (Not the crochet/knit ones, but the pashmina type scarves) they look fantastic with everything. Dresses up a t shirt, dresses down a button down. Not only that, but they keep you warm. It's fashionable and practical. Wait, did I just say that?

What else classifies me as a hipster? Chunky black glasses (which I need to see dammit!) loving owls (who knew?) Drinking beer no one else seems to like (rolling rock, not PBR gross) and I shop at thrift stores (because I'm thrifty, not ironic!)

Oh well, at least I own it, ya know? I've never been huge on labels but I wear this one with pride...which means I'm not truly a hipster (ha ha! gotcha!)

Here, have some hipster music...you'll like it, I'm sure!

Oblivion by Bastille

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

Break the Walls by Fitz and the Tantrums

Reviving!

I'm reviving this blog...for the sole purpose of tracking my 35 by 35 bucket list.

In September I'll be turning 35; for some reason this struck me as a "big deal" and I felt like I should do something to commemorate it. I decided that I would pick 35 things to do in the next nine months; they're all attainable, however I'll have to work for some of them-no worries though, since I love a good challenge :)

Here's my list (note, this is not the order they need to be done in, it's just the order they were brainstormed in also note that some of these are PG-13):

01. <s>Get a new tattoo</s> DONE!!
02. Complete the Couch to 5 K program see it here
03. Lose 35 pounds
04. Crochet a baby blanket
05. Go to a concert
06. Have a weekend away by myself
07. Have a weekend away with HH
08. Take a class
09. Go to the Chicago Pride Parade
10. Do a color run
11. Participate in the Autism walk
12. Read one book a week
13. Learn how to cook one new dish a month
14. Do 50 squats in a row
15. Hold a fancy dinner party
16. Have boudoir photos done
17. Volunteer at TAILS looks like fun, check it out
18. Donate cupcakes for my birthday to a local shelter
19. Give someone $35 randomly
20. Hold a tea party
21. Have an adults only slumber party complete with a pillow fight
22. Go on the Jelly Belly Tour it's free too! woohoo
23. Start a gratitude jar; write down one thing per day
24. Finally meet up with some online friends I've known forever
25. <s> Get oddly colored highlights put in my hair</s> Done!! I have a bright blue highlight in the front of my hair and it's fantastic Done 02/07/2014
26. Wear make up for seven days in a row
27. Watch every single Harry Potter movie back to back (one caveat though; bathroom breaks and sleeping are definitely allowed, this is 24 hours of movies haha)
28. Learn how to put victory rolls in my hair
29. Use the Michelle Phan youtube channel to learn an outrageous make up technique
30. Go out to dinner, order as normal. When it arrives switch dinner with the person you are with.
31. Buy one kick ass outfit completely brand new (a big challenge for me since I'm cheap lolol)
32. Blog regularly on my secondary site (that'd be this one)
33. Allow Geo, Tommy, and Teresa to cook me one meal a month for nine months (this one is a very big deal since I always do all the cooking, I've also been instructed I can't come in the kitchen while they are cooking either.....)
34. Get a Brazilian wax.
35. <s>Clean out my closet and get rid of anything that is a) unflattering b) does not fit c) hasn't been fashionable in the last five years</s> DONE 01/27/2014 :D

So there we have. 35 by 35. I'll be posting updates here on my progress toward these goals and am looking forward to a fun next nine months. 

Half Assed Crafts on Half Wit Rambles

I am all about crafting AND I love doing things half assed; usually the two of these things don't go together well, however today those two things came together and they are beeeeeautiful.

Behold, the Half Assed Bird Feeder; you can make it and say your kid did it, that way people won't judge you too harshly on your crafting skills OR you can tell them you drank a bottle of wine and did it, either way you are free from judgement-at least from me-unless you're drinking Mogen David wine and then you deserved to be judged, harshly, but I digress, let's get back to the "HABF" (you can pinterest the shit out of this blog post, it deserves to be pinned repeatedly with comments like "<3 <3" and "omg EASY" and "HABF OMGOMG!" things like that)

Here's what you need to make the HABF:

+An old reusuable bowl, particularly a wide but not very deep square container-use one that got kind of cruddy in the microwave or has a funny smell-birds don't care!

+A Phillips head screw driver

+Some sort of flame to heat the tip of the screwdriver up

+Yarn or twine or strong string

+Pony beads (optional)

+Bird seed

+A desire to feed birds

Heat the tip of the screwdriver and poke four holes in the bottom of the bowl; use yarn to make a hanger for it; you'll see in the pictures below how I did it. I also put pony beads on the bottom of the string to stabilize it a bit and to make it hang a bit more levelly. Tie those bad boys up into one main knot so you can hang it from a tree or whatever you want to hang it from, fill it with birdseed and voila! You have yourself a half assed, yet totally functional birdfeeder!

Puppy Love

I remember my first puppy love plain as day. His name was Brian and he was an older man (by a whopping year). He was from out of state; he came to our little Michigan town each summer for two weeks of sheer boredom, that is, until he met ME! Brian’s grandmother, whom coincidentally, I shared a birthday with, was a member of our church and introduced us. I think I was 11 and I was instantly smitten. He was so worldly and knowledgeable, after all, he’d taken a PLANE to get to Michigan from the ultra cool state of Arizona. I looked forward to those two weeks of the year all year long. As soon as he left, I’d start counting down the days until he returned. We wrote lengthy letters to one another all through the year, mostly about nonsense. He’d write about the music I should listen to and send photos of his always changing looks-purple hair and piercing in one, black hair and make up in another. He was so deliciously weird that I couldn’t help but feel special every time I got a thick packet from him or he came to visit. We got into all sorts of stupid trouble together, all of it harmless, but most definitely the things memories were made of. He played the electric guitar, loudly, to announce his presence in town (his grandma lived relatively close to our house) and we’d walk and talk and talk and talk.

He came every summer without fail until the summer of my senior year. As I slaved away making pizzas in the only “chain” restaurant in town, I started to hear people talk about the weirdo with purple hair and chains they’d seen in town earlier that day. One of my coworkers came in and excitedly told everyone about this guy he’d seen; he was pierced and tattooed and was so odd looking. He was so exotic (at least in our little town that is) he was the topic of conversation…and he was looking for ME! ME! I’m not sure if I’ve ever worked that quickly to get shift work done so I could go find him. Our last visit, however, was marred with some ugliness. Ugliness that for years has bothered me and I think, bothered the people involved.

You have to remember this was in the mid 90’s. Fag was a common insult, being gay was considered weird, bad, and wrong and looking differently than the people in my town immediately made you all of those things (which doesn’t make any sense, but I suppose it did in 17 year old boys’ minds) Brian and I were harassed by some of my classmates who thought it would be hilarious to make fun of him. They’d followed him around and later proceeded to follow us and threaten violence against him because he was, in their mind, gay. I know that the people involved were incredibly ashamed of their behavior, but it didn’t matter at that point, Brian never came back and eventually we lost touch as we went our separate ways. A few years ago, I found him online and we reconnected but neither of us was the person we were when we were young. The carefree, exotic, worldly boy he was had turned into a weary man, downtrodden by addiction and life choices that turned out to have massive negative repercussions. The small town girl turned into a big city girl, one who gained massive confidence at college and went onto to teach and have a family and be exotic herself to those she came in contact with from “the old days”.

Oh but those summers were something wonderful; thinking about them always makes me smile. We were carefree and having fun and didn’t think about anything else but those two weeks every year. Occasionally when I go home, I pass his grandmother’s house (she’s long gone by now, almost 20 years now) and think of those days. If I try hard enough I can even hear Brian’s rendition of the “Star Spangled Banner” being played on the electric guitar and I have the urge to throw on flip flops, run down the alley and just start talking, talking, talking to someone who truly understood me.

The First Post is the Hardest Post

I’m starting a new endeavor; I’m going to be a food blogger! Scanning through the exhaustive list of blogs I regularly read, I see that a lot of them revolve around food. I need to get in on that business. Let’s see, according to “How to blog about everything and be successful” (A forthcoming book in my new series, “How to *insert thing here* and be successful”)

The author suggests the following things:

-Use large, pretentious sounding words when describing your recipe
-Take many many pictures of the entire process
-Use awesome angles when photographing things so people will think “oh man, they must REALLY be awesome”
-Use only the highest quality ingredients and pots and pans regardless of budget, you are TRYING to be successful after all
-Post your blog link exhaustively on every social media site you can find, leave links to your blog on every blog you can comment on, and tell passersby at the library, star bucks, etc about your amazing blog-hand out business cards with the address on it-remember cost is nothing when it comes to the success you’ll garner with this blog.

Today we’ll be making the most stupendous, scrumtralescent enriched semolina macaroni and full dairy cheese. (large, pretentious sounding words as descriptors? CHECK)

Your ingredient list is as follows:
*One pound of pasta. If you’re a REAL cook, you’ll buy  yourself a pasta machine and make the pasta by hand, only slackers use boxed pasta. HOWEVER if you have to buy your pasta (slacker) Try to go to a specialty store, they’re really expensive there. I’d suggest Williams-Sonoma as they are my favorite expensive specialty store to go to.

*2 cups of whole fat, organically raised, non pasteurized milk fresh from YOUR cow. Can’t get it from the cow (see above, SLACKER) any milk will be fine, I suppose.

*Cheese, lots and lots of cheese. Go to a specialty store and spend about $20 per pound on parmesan cheese-you’ll only use about a quarter of a cup of it, so feel free to send the leftover cheese to me. You’ll need a pound of grated cheddar cheese. Preferably cheese you either a) made yourself b) bought from a local dairy or c) cheese from a grocery store (remember only slackers do things like buy ingredients from chain stores)

*Flour, around a cup. Only whole grain, ground at home flour will work in this recipe, if you don’t have that, you’re sol and will need to use store bought flour.

*One stick of butter, preferably European unsalted butter that costs around $8 per pound. If you don’t want to pay for the best, you’re not going to eat the best, I’m just saying.

*Salt and pepper (I’m sorry I don’t have anything jerky to say here, salt and pepper are salt and pepper)

First, cook your pasta al dente. If you don’t know what al dente means, you probably shouldn’t be making pasta. While your pasta drains, start making a roux, again, if you are not familiar with the word roux, go get yourself some kraft mac and cheese and go from there. While your butter melts, sprinkle flour over it to thicken it. Add milk in gradual increments to make a nice  milky roux. You’ll add a bit of salt and pepper to taste then start to melt your cheese into the milk roux. At this point, it’s good to start taking many many pictures. You’ll want to be able to post this on your OWN food blog after successfully making it. As your milk mixture gets cheesier, taste it to be sure it’s properly seasoned, I like to add a little bit of garlic at this point, but that’s because I have rather refined taste buds.

Mix in your pasta, it should be creamy and gooey and delicious looking. Try not to eat it all from the pot you savage. After it’s mixed well, put it into a 9 by 13 pan that’s been buttered. You can put breadcrumbs on top if you’d like or another layer of cheese. Bake it at 350 until the top is bubbly and golden. Try to take at least seven or eight pictures of the mac and cheese as it cooks (again, for YOUR blog) Remove it from the oven and serve it on your finest china with the best silver you can find. Pair it with a green salad made of your own organically grown ingredients and a nice crusty bread or foccacia that you, of course, made yourself.

Ok, so it would appear that I’ve followed the steps to a t, now to promote this entry exhaustively and become a successful food blogger. Why are you laughing? There are successful food bloggers out there. Stay tuned for my next how to entry, when I teach you how to start your own photography business from your house using free programs to edit your “work”

*Please note that while I advocate taking multiple artsy photos of your cooking process I rarely do it because I am a hot mess in the kitchen, but please remember to be the most successful food blogger ever, you'll need pictures

Welcome

Welcome to my new blog; it's an offshoot of The Family Blog. I'll be posting things like annoyingly pretentious recipes, horrible pictures of food, crafting things, as well as blogging about topics that interest me but may not be completely related to my children or family. I'm excited to get this started, I've been drafting entries since about June for this blog and am quite excited to actually get it online! Stay tuned for entries coming soon and if you like me (and quite frankly who DOESN'T like me!?) please share me :)